The Comparison Trap
My clients are incredible people; I learn so much from each of them. It takes courage and strength to seek help and open up to a care provider. I’m honored each time someone trusts me with their heart, with their story in all its fullness, the messiness and brokenness, the glory and the redemption. I rejoice with them in their victories and grieve with them in their losses and deep pain.
I’ve been doing this long enough now to see some patterns, some common traps that many of my clients (and many people in general!) fall into. And out of that comes this plea, from my heart as a counselor:
Please stop the comparisons.
I hear it over and over, in voices filled with frustration, pain, guilt, shame:
“I’m just not learning the language as fast as my classmates are. I feel like a failure.”
“He has so many great relationships already with people here; I only have a few connections.”
“She’s so outgoing; people are drawn to her! I wish I could be like that.”
“He’s amazing at having deep, meaningful conversations with people; I really struggle with that.”
“She’s always doing these amazing crafts and projects with her kids and the neighbor kids; I’m over here with my two toddlers just trying to remember if I’ve showered in the past 72 hours.”
“He’s so organized and on top of things; I really struggle with that.”
The irony always strikes me when I hear people yearning for what another has … not realizing that sometimes the “other” feels the same way about them!
You have the personality, the wiring, and gifting that you do—with your strengths and the associated vulnerabilities your Creator gave you—for a reason. We are a Body made up of many different parts; each does not, cannot, should not have the same function. You may know this at an intellectual level, but please, let it sink down and take root in your soul today.
You don’t need to be anyone else.
Your Creator was pleased to make you this way; now how can you steward how he’s made you to bring glory to him and to bless others?
If you or a global worker you know is struggling with this or other issues that you’d like to talk through with a Valeo care provider, why not Start Now?
Amy, LPC, the author of this article, is a counselor with Valeo.
